Here is my perspective on what elements I consider essential in a love relationship and why. My four pillars of a solid relationship are: Acceptance, Like, Laughter, and Passion.
Real long term best friends do not hide stuff from each other. The nature of a close friendship that stands the test of time is shared confidences and an acceptance, even a co-celebration of each others foibles, weakness and peccadilloes. In love relationships, most times these polarities are reversed and it becomes “how much can I hide about myself because it they knew the real me they would not like me”. Well, it all comes out over time anyway, so in my view, run your true colours up the flagpole right off the bat and then see who stays to see the parade. They are the ‘keepers’.
Generally we seek to hang out with with people we like, not people we have to endure. You can love them too of course but just being “in love” is not enough. Sometimes it makes you force yourself to endure people and situations that most likely (if you were honest with yourself) you would rather not. A lot of great stuff happens in the name of love and so does a lot of crappy stuff. “Like” is never forced or heavy….never, “eat it anyway, it’s good for you”. Like and Love in one package is an unbeatable combination, but if it turns out I can only have one or the other pass me the ‘Like’.
Laughter is the sugar of life…it can make even the bitterest situation better and a sweet situation even sweeter. It is an essential. I want to hang out with people that I can share a laugh with. If you find someone who ‘gets’ you on this level nail their feet to the floor and never let them slip away. They are a very rare find indeed.
In my experience indifference and ennui are prime relationship killers, as are mistrust and jealousy. My antidote: Passion. A shared passion in interests. A shared passion for life. A shared passion for each other where every time you touch or kiss it sets your hair on fire.Where your partner becomes more delicious and desirable every time you look at them or touch them.Then spice this mix up with the occasional passionate fight followed by a passionate reconciliation. Mix in acceptance, like and laughter and viola…there it is, bliss.
© Janos Neder 2015